More Stupid Stuff I've Done

In Vietnam one of my jobs was to request background information on Vietnamese nationals by teletype to heaquarters. Among the common names in Vietnam were Ngot –pronounced: ‘knot,” Bes – “bee,” and Thieu: “tew.” One slow day I sent the following request: “Do you have any information on Thieu Bes or Ngot Thieu Be.” I thought the people at HQ would get a laugh out of that and waited for a response. Three days later they responded” We have nothing on Ngot Thieu Bes, but we do have information on Thieu Bes and are sending it to you via courier.” I never let them know that it was just a joke.

Really Stupid Things I've Done

Some years ago while working at a radio station I received a record album with Braille liner notes. I thought this was really cool, and without my mind engaged I wondered if they ever did this kind of thing for the deaf. You know, pictures of hands spelling out the liner notes. When my mind finally engaged it occurred to me that, first: deaf people can read, and second: why would deaf people have a record album.

Several years ago I stopped at a convenience store and bought one of those pre packaged hamburgers. I didn't see a microwave, but did see a machine labeled "heat food here." The instructions indicated that I should "place food in bowl shaped tray and insert into machine," which I did. The burger wouldn't quite fit through the slot so I mashed it as flat as I could and kind of "jugged" in into the slot. The machine came on automatically and after a short time let me know that my burger was hot. When I pulled out the Styrofoam tray it was empty. The machine had eaten MY burger. In a storm of indignation I turned to complain to the clerk when something caught my eye. It was a microwave oven built under the counter. When I looked back at the machine I had used I noticed that next to it were cans of soup. Putting two and two together I reasoned that the machine was not really for burgers - which would explain the bowl shaped tray. I casually whistled my way out of the store and back on the road. All I could do was laugh out loud at my imagined reaction of the repair man when he opened the machine. "What stupid son of a b----, would put a hamburger in here? On a subsequent trip to the same store a few weeks later I noticed the addition of a really big sign: "This machine is for soup only!"

In the early 70's I worked for an advertising agency working with a radio station promoting a call letter change with a concert by a nationally named artist that they hadn't decided on. Brought into a meeting in progress I did not know that they had decided on the Carpenters for the concert. When I joined the meeting they were discussing billboards, some of which they might have to put up themselves. After some discussion of this the question was asked: "so how much will the Carpenters cost?" Thinking they were talking about building billboards and eager to show my expertise I piped in: "oh, ten or 15 dollars an hour at least." after an awkward silence the meeting went on, but I never lived it down.

Deep Thoughts & Hot Air

So what's in a name? In business it can be very important. I constantly see businesses going out of their way to give themselves abstract names that really don't serve them well. Two examples of car repair companies: "Wilson's," or "Broad Street Auto Repair." I like the latter since it says what they do and where they are. I'm reminded of when a new cable news channel was started. They were owned by 20th Century Fox, a well known name in itself. This was a time when one of the most popular actors was Michael J. Fox. The public described beautiful people as being a "fox." Smart people were sly as a fox. The channel need a three letter name (like CBS, NBC, etc.). So naturally, they decided to call themselves..."FBN." Fortunately for them, they figured out pretty quick that there was some magic in the letters FOX, while with "FBN" they were starting with nothing in the public's awareness.


Several years ago George Burns was given a lifetime achievement award by some group and it got me to thinking. George Burns had quite a career and deserves a lot of credit for his hard work and his devotion to his craft. but when you think about it, here's a guy who spent his entire professional life doing exactly what we loved and wanted to do. Then we give him a lifetime achievement award. Now, I loved George Burns , and would never say anything against him. I'm sure he had his share of setbacks and disappointments over the years. But he's just one of many people who, like him, are recognized and celebrated for doing what they really enjoy. I know it could never work this way, but if we're going to give out lifetime achievement awards they should go to the plumber or carpenter; factory worker or insurance salesman who spent his whole life doing something he may have been good at, but didn't really enjoy. Someone who did this year after year and in the process supported his family, bought a house, several cars and maybe sent some kids through college. Now that's lifetime achievement.


How about a different approach to the smoking issue? Some scientists say nicotine is as, or more, addictive than heroin, morphine or cocaine. So there is a growing movement to have nicotine tightly regulated by the FDA. I think this is completely backwards. I know of no case where a person got tanked up on nicotine and killed someone, or caused a traffic accident due to being under the influence of nicotine, or committed burglary or robbery in order to buy cigarettes. In fact, some studies now are revealing some positive benefits of nicotine. It's important to society that people stop smoking, not that they stop using nicotine. The problem with smokers is not the addiction - it's the behavior, and that's where we should be concentrating our effort. Suppose we were to take the millions of dollars we spend on futile attempts to control the addiction, and offer financial incentives to companies that can design safe nicotine delivery systems that smokers will readily accept - and even enjoy instead of lighting up. Then, rather than being restricted, this system should to be as available as alcohol is now. We need to be working to bring about the behavioral change we want in the people who don't want to give up their nicotine.

There was a tragic murder of a family here in Georgia a while back. Two goons broke into the family's home and were apparently there for about 20 minutes before the victims walked in on them and were killed. The fact is that the protection of the law extended to these victims for only those 20 minutes. Once the killers left the house the full protection of the law immediately shifted to them - granting rights involving search and seizure, self incrimination, Miranda, legal representation, and on and on. Should these people be convicted they will have yet another list of rights. We will spend an incredible amount of time and money feeding, housing and providing medical attention to these criminals, while the victim will be virtually forgotten by our system where citizens actually have fewer rights and protections than killers. The sad fact is that our justice system protects us for minutes, but protects those who act outside the bounds of our society forever. At some point the American public will have had enough, and will move to do something about this inequity. My hope is that this will be done now, while we can do it in a thoughtful and deliberate process, before it's done later in some violent reactionary fervor that will ultimately serve none of us.

$581,000,000.00 was award a while back to an Alabama couple because they were overcharged for satellite dishes. Wow!. Most of it was punitive damage. It defies all logic that the punishment for a defendant should be a reward for the plaintiff. Here's a step toward tort reform: Let's decide that from now on, all punitive damages awarded by juries goes to the government conducting the trial - and that it not be subject to attorney commissions. That might help put a stop to some of this goofiness. In the mean time, I've been overcharged by lots of companies so I guess I just need a good lawyer.

Welcome to Your Own Business - Ideas & Answers

I’m Aaron Bowers, welcome to “Your Own Business – Ideas and Answers.” Part of the American dream is to own your own business and be your own boss. But being the boss involves choices, decisions and actions we never face as an employee. When I started my own business I so many mistakes it’s a wonder it survived, but it did. In the process I learned a lot. I‘m still learning, and that’s what this blog is for. Maybe I can give you some tips – maybe you can give me some… that’s what it’s all about.